So Your Moms Run Away With The Circus
by Ch-Ch-Cherry Bomb
Summary: Bella has been best friends with the Hale/Cullen/McCarthy gang since they were kids. Bella wants to be with Edward but when he drops a bombshell even bigger then Renee ditching Bella for the circus, there lives turn upside down. AH,BxE AxJ ExR
1. Shooting Baldmen Out Of Cannons

**A/N Hi! This is the first chapter for my first multiple chapter story so tell me what ya think! Bella lived in Forks with Renee and Charlie uintil she was thriteen, when they split up. She went to live with Renee and Phil in Phoenix and visits Forks every year for a week and has been friends with the Cullen/Hale/ MacCarthy gang since she was a kid. Sha has a little bit of a crush on Edward and it's all canon pairings. They did try a long distance thing the year previous but it didn't work out so they just went back to being friends and it hasn't effect them in the long run. Oh and I think I should say that I'm English and living in Australia so all I know about the American school holidays and the way the schools work have been learnt off of TV shows, books and other fanfics. THere will be minimal if any swearing in this story as my family have access to it so theres nothing super adult in it, apart from underage drinking and drug references. If the characters tell me to do something then I must listen, even if it means Rosalie calling Lauren Mallory some not very nice names :D. This is quite different to my other two one shots because they're Emo/Short/ In-experienced. This is quite the opposite and I hope you enjoy my new direction. Let the games begin!**

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Epilogue

So, your hare-brained mother ran off with the circus (I wish I could say that was a figure of speech. Alas that is literally what happened), you got your whole, comfortable life up rooted and dumped on your police chief Dad in your old grey town of Forks, the place you lived in when until you were thirteen, you restarted to hang out with the best friends you've had since you were three and settle into a happy life/routine. You plan to become a journalist and move to New York with said friends as you have dreamed of since you were a little girl.

Or at least that was until THE night. The night where you top secret dream of running away and living with your closest, Greek god like friend in a small romantic cottage in France and grow old together as Mr. & Mrs. Cullen is ruined by a tiny accident and the fact you choked instead of spoke a week earlier. Now you sit in your bedroom with a months supply of ice cream, Withering Heights, plans to kill a certain blonde tart and a phone that goes off every few seconds which you have no plan of answering. Fun, fun fun!

SIX MONTHS EARLIER

"The circus? Mom, seriously? Are you out of your mind?" I said into the phone. If I raised my left eyebrow any further it would forever disappear into my hair.  
"Honey, you know how good I've been at my stage make-up course. A manager from the cirque saw and was so impressed by my work that he hired me on the spot! It's a great opportunity for me and Phil!" Renee was slowly turning into a tape being fast forwarded, high pitched and so quick that the only words I made out were stage make up course, manager and Phil. I was this close to banging my head against the wall.

"You can't be serious! This manager is probably a creep trying to get into your pants. You'll be over this make-up thing by the weekend and how will Phil benefit from this?" Unless there going to shoot his bald head out of a cannon.

"PHIL IS NOT BALD, HES JUST GOT A REALLY SHORT HAIRCUT!" Oops, didn't mean to say the Phil comment out loud. Now she's really angry. Ah well she'll have forgotten about it by the end of the conversation which is pretty much the only benefit of having such a scatter brained mother.

"Exactly!" If I confuse her enough maybe she'll start talking about the circus again instead of yelling at me.

"Bella, I worry about you sometimes. Look, if you really don't want me to go then I won't. I'm sorry that I haven't been a conventional mom but I do think you'll be better off in Phoenix, back with your old friends. You spend all your time worth your books and I really do love you but, honey, you miss your old friends. They can make you happier then I can," Whoa. Now she's confusing me and using the puppy dog eyes equivalent as far as begging voices go. Awww shiz.

"It's ok mom, you run away with the circus," Did I really just say that? "I'll move back to Forks and live with Charlie. I'll be graduating soon anyway." Great. I can feel the regret creeping in already.  
I was on the phone to Renee for an hour longer organising stuff. Charlie agreed straight away when I asked. He's been over the moon for the past week I've been here on holiday (as usual) so his answer was very predictable. I'm going to fly back tomorrow, which is when the holiday ends so at least there's one last flight to book, pack my bags (I'll probably only need a backpack at the most) and fly here on Saturday which is three days away. Which is just going to be the best time ever, I mean planes taking you away from your easy sunbaked life to dreary Forks are just great and planes them selves are simply the dandiest.

Oh, well I do get to see all my old friends on a regular basis. That's the best bit about my yearly trip here, seeing the old gang. Though it was kinda awkward now what with them all paired off. Emmett,- a big scary looking jock who is actually a teddy bear with the mental age of a toddler- has being going out with Rosalie for a few years now and they were obviously made for each other. She is the girl that every high school has. The blonde bombshell who has the body of a playboy bunny and the dignity of the Queen. Her attitude to people hitting on her teddy bear is not exactly classed as friendly though and she is a tough cookie.. She restrains/distracts Emmett and he lightens her up and they both play sports, fix cars and make out together.

Alice has been my friend since forever. She is constantly moving, planning and shopping and is at her happiest when doing all three. She is like Tinkerbell on fast forward- small, pixie like and with cute outfits. She often needs restraining from her excessive spending and she refuses to wear the same outfit twice for that would be a great sin in Alice-land. She is paired with Jasper, Rosalie's twin. He is an artist, always sat in the back of classes sketching. Or he did until Alice found out he was sketching her so she pounced on him and finally did something about her five year crush.

He knows how to handle her and has a really calming presence and can kind of control the room atmosphere. He's one of those people that when he smiles the whole world is smiling which is perfect for Alice, even if he does prefer sketching and learning about the civil war to going to a shoe sale, though by now he is well acquainted with the guy chair in the women's clothing stores through his year of dating Alice.

Then there was me and Edward. He is Alice's brother and Emmett's cousin and has been my best friend since I could talk. When we were little we played weddings together in his tree house and he protected me from the bully Mike Newton in Junior school. He is a gentlemen with all girls, or at least he was until high school. Now he only acts like that to me and all the girls still want him in a big way. I

may have a tiny little crush on him but who wouldn't? He is tall with a perfectly chiseled face, bronze spiky hair that is perfectly styled in a unique way and whenever he's stressed or impatient he runs his hands through it. He catches me every time I fall, which is often due to me being the clumsiest person in the world and every time he does it gives me butterflies. He plays piano when no ones home and gets lost in his beautiful compositions. Whenever he's thinking about his latest piece his golden eyes glaze over and make him look like an angel. He helped me when my parents divorced when I was thirteen and the best week of my year is when I come back and see his face.

Yeah, I'm that far gone.

Ever since I moved to live with my Mom in Phoenix after my parents split I've missed him. Of course I miss my Dad and all my friends and even this house but deep down I miss Edward more. Of course no one else knows this and I plan on keeping it that way. Me and Edward are great as friends but when we did eventually try to be more then that last year it didn't work. The long distance was too hard.

This was not helped by his reputation with the ladies, or as Alice calls him 'Make-up tester Boy'. She is referring to the lipstick tester that they have in stores that have been used by who knows what and is therefore ruined and unbuyable, not that he goes round stealing make-up testers (which he has done during a Cullen game of Truth or Dare). He falls for every bimbo that jumps on his lap even though there a million leagues below him.

I continued to think of good points of moving back here to cheer myself up as I came down from my bedroom to get a drink when the boy himself walked through the door. This distracted me momentarily which was enough to send me launching through the air from halfway up the staircase, I braced my self for the fall before I landed in Edwards arm. I just keep getting smoother don't I?

"Jeez, ever heard of knocking?" I said into Edwards chest. Damn him and his tallness.

"If I had knocked I wouldn't have caught you and you'd be part of the door mat," he replied, his velvety voice making it hard to respond. That and my current position in his arms, with my face in his chest. Oh, no if I didn't move soon this could get awkward.

"If you hadn't have barged into my home I wouldn't have been startled. You could have killed me,"I said, trying to add dignity to my voice but it was slwoly slipping into a friendly tone. Dammit, I could never stay even slightly angry.

"You'll wish I hadn't caught you when you here Alices plans for the day. Something about lingerie, shoes and Portland?" He said, putting me straight.

"Awww, shiz. I need to get that girl on a leash,"

"But that would ruin the fun of seeing your face when Alice plans a shopping trip,"he said as he walked into my kitchen and looked in my fridge.

"Cullen, no snacking, Esme will kill me if you ruin your dinner. Besides, last I heard Alice was planning for everyone including the boys to go shopping. Looks like your being sentenced to bag carrying duties," I said in a childish tone. I poked my tongue out at him as I pushed him out of my fridge and grabbed two sodas. Just as I was going to make plans to ditch the shopping and go see a movie with Edward, the designer devil called. I could tell because I had assigned the Darth Vader march ring tone to her name. I sighed and flipped my phone open.

"YOU ARE NOT DITCHING ME TO GO TO THE CINEMAS WITH MY TOOL OF A BROTHER!" Yelled my lovely, harmless friend.

"Hi to you too," Me and Edward rolled our eyes in unison which made me giggle. "We can't go shopping anyway. It's my last day here so I should get to choose what we do," Yes! I have last day rights even though it's not my last day! Just as I began to do a mental victory dance Alice started whining into the phone.

"Please Bella, I want to buy you a present to remember us by until you next comeback. We'll go to three stores of your choice for as long as you want, even bookstores. Please... for me?" she said in the softest baby voice. That girl is pure pixie evil, she knows I can't turn that voice down and that she'll trick me out of going. She kept on going though and I could feel my defences weakening. I handed the phone to Edward to let him suffer/ get the blame for giving in.

"Alice I-" he said in his most commanding voice until he was interrupted. I learnt forward to make out what she was saying but I couldn't define the words but I could hear her pleading tone. I give him a minute until he cracks. "I know, and I'm sorry for tha-" he replied in an apologetic tone. She most have bought up the time he helped Emmett accidentally start a microwave popcorn related fire which burnt half her shoe collection. She really must want to go on this shopping trip."Look just hold on," This was the classic Edward hang up line. If he doesn't want to talk anymore he tells them to hang on, puts the phone down and leaves the room. He comes back an hour later and taadaa! The other person has hung up and he has gotten out of whatever they were suggesting/planning. Sure enough he put the phone down and I signalled for us to go out into the back garden and we went up to the old bench at the back of my garden under a big shady tree, which we really needed under the grey sky of Forks on such a lovely cold day like today. If I should start telling people about me moving back here I suppose I should start with good old Eddie kins.

"Eddie, would you be surprised if I said Renee has ran off with the circus?" Well how would you start this conversation?

"No, I really wouldn't. Of course it would have to be a really short lived circus. Wait, why? Bella, are you thinking of selling your step dad to the house of freaks? Because not alot of people would pay to see The Incredibly Shiny Headed Man," he said in a questioning tone. You would think he'd be used to my random conversation topics by now. Though at least I can add that to the list of things Phil would be good for in the circus.

"No he wouldn't be in the house of freaks! He'd be one of those elephants that can balance balls on there trunks and unicycle! Anyway, get rid of that image and imagine that Renee has joined the circus as a make up artist and I am moving back here until graduation. You like?" Or atleast I meant to ask the last bit but as soon as I said the words 'moving back here' I was pounced on and crushed. "Edward. Can't. Breathe." I croaked as loud as I could. I could hear him mumbling oops as he put my legs back on the ground.

"Are you joking or are you serious?" He said looking into my eyes. Oh no, I'm officially girl jelly. Bella snap out of it! This is Edward, the boy who used to chew your barbies when you werent looking!

"I am one hundred percent serious. I fly back tomorrow to get some stuff but as off next week I will be a Forks resident again!" I said. What were the bad points about moving here again?

"Edward, what are you doing?" My friend was doing a hamster touchdown dance in the middle of my garden and I could see Mrs. Number 18 staring at him through the curtains. Great now Charlie will be called at work about a crazy teenager breaking into his garden and dancing. I put my head in my hands and started rocking it.

"Oooh Yeah, oooh yeah, oooh yeah," Oh lord. Sometimes you can really see the Emmett in him. I got up and walked over to him in order to restrain him until he pulled me into his iron grip and put me over his shoulder.

"Put me down!" I said breathlessly through giggles whilst kicking my legs wildy in the air. Then inspiration struck. "I have a plan to prank the gang and break the news!" This made him stop.

"An evil master mind plan?" He said with a straight face. We've this joke since we were about five.

"A super evil master mind plan," I said raising my eyebrows. "Involving your sister, cousin, there other halves. You in Lieutenant Cullen?" I said in a trooper voice.

"Sir yes sir!" He replied in his best soldier voice, even adding in a salute and foot stamp. I leant in to whisper my revenge plot for the almost shopping trip and it involved telling them about me moving back.

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**What is the plan? It may involve Renesmee... *evil cackle* Teehee! Please R&R it's the first thing I've written in almost half a year! Next chappie shall be up within the next two days and I reply to all reviews. I like to jump into my stories straight away so there wasn't much intro but you've all read/watched Twilight to you know all of the characters. There will be a MASSIVE obstacle for Bella and Edward to cross for them to hook up and it shall begin in two chapters time, probably later so be patient. Thanks for reading! :D**


	2. When Did My Dad Become A Hillbilly?

**_A/N Hi again! I'm really not happy with this chapter and it was physically killing me to write. I had it all perfect in all of its 4,00 word glory and it was all edited. Then on the last word of my end Author note it froze and I lost EVRYTHING. That and trying to have a social life and a notcrazy/awful home life have made this a bugger to write so this was a bit rushed, just trying to get it over and done with. Also it went on for quite a bit longer because I added in an extra bit in order to save it from being rubbish. I hope you enjoy because I didn't!_**

**This is dedicated to _LifeisaFairyTale_ for a)Reviewing b)Sticking this awful weekend out with me and making me laugh at her not understanding that tree lose there leaves in winter. She's like a real life Emmettina! You NEED to check out her stories!**

BPOV

Project: _Spawn  
_Team:_ Bella  
_Phase: _Teary Eyes_  
Involving: _Blondie & Pixie_

I texted Alice and Rosalie ten minutes ago with a simple message.

**To:** _Alice, Rosalie_

Help. Emergency. Involves Edward.

They should be here any minute. I jumped back under my covers as I heard a car pull up outside. I started to fake cry and hoped they would let themselves in like usual. Sure enough I  
heard the door opening and two pairs of feet rushing up the stairs without even having to ask where I am. The door crept open and they both walked in gingerly. I started sobbing silently and they both closed the remaining space and sat on either side of my bed.

"Bella? Are you ok? We came as quick as we could," Rosalie whispered in a sweet voice. I sniffed and slowly began to sit up.

"What's my turnip of a brother done now?" Alice asked, her voice filled with concern with a dash of anger towards Edward.

"It's not -sniff- his fault..." I really was committed to this plan. I was giving an Oscar-winning performance.

"We'll be the ones to decide that. So what's happened?' Rosalie said. If I wasn't goo enough in my story then they may either A-Figure out its a prank or B) Cut Edward Jr off. B is tempting....

"Well, you know -snuffle- two weeks ago Edward went to visit a long distance friend?" I said in a weeping tone. The girls looked confused so I kept growing. "I was that friend. -sniff- well I was meant to be that friend. When he stayed Renee was away with Phil and we got a bit tipsy on Phil's beer and we became a bit more friends, if you know what I mean." I didn't need to go deeper. Alice and Rosalie's eyes were massive as they realised what I was implying. If I wasn't meant to be crying I would be putting this on you tube. Alice quickly got over it though.

"So you slept with Edward. It was bound to happen. Especially after the half relationship you had last year," Alice was so predictable in her response. This was even easier then I thought it would be, especially with the acting classes I took last spring.

"Well, I was only a one-night stand to him because when I woke up he was already gone -sniff- and that's not even the worst thing. These past few weeks my bodies been acting weird but I thought that was as far as it went. Then after throwing up all through this week I took a test and well -sniff- turns out Edwards got something more long term in return." Tears were streaming down my face as I said the last bit. Alice and Rosalie were incredibly taken back now. They looked like goldfish. Now for the last part and its on to phase two of Project Spawn.

"Are you sure that your well, um.." Rosalie asked, giving glances to were my stomach is under the blankets. When she did that I wanted to laugh but I quickly turned it into a hysterical scream.

"I'M SURE! I'M PREGNANT WITH EDWARDS KID!' Ok maybe I screamed that one a bit to loud but Atlas they won't question me again. I was feeling quite smug with my self when I continued my rant. "I TOLD HIM AND HE RAN AWAY! HE DOESN'T LOVE ME HE JUST THOUGHT I WAS EASY AND NOW HE'S DONE A RUNNER AND I GO HOME TOMORROW!" I screamed it this time before breaking down. "You can't tell ANYOINE though!" In my head I was victory dancing. Or at least I was until I saw a figure in the doorway. I glanced back again though and it was gone. Then the front door slammed. Alice and Rose didn't notice though so it must be my imagination.

EPOV

Project:_ Spawn_  
Team:_ Edward_  
Phase: _Guy Talk_  
Involving: _Big Bear & Emo Kid_

Drive Edward, drive. I have to make it sound like I'm angry driving my precious baby. C'mon little Volvo show Daddy what you can do. As Jaspers house came closer I could see my cousin's Jeep and Jaspers Mustang on the drive. Perfect. I did a 180 hand brake turn to parallel park. I am just too cool.

I whispered a sorry in advance to the car as I undid my seat belt and got out. I slammed the door for the first time and it made a pained me to mistreat my angel. I stormed up to the front door and let myself in. I could hear Emmett being whooped at Playstation upstairs so I ran up Jazzes room and smacked the door open. They both dropped there remotes on the floor in surprise and turned around to look/stare at me. I let out a frustrated growl. and stormed over to Jasper's bed which had old action man bed covers. I would have laughed at this normally but I had to be angry for the plan to work.

"Dude, seriously. I had just made a new high score-" Emmett stopped when Jasper nudged him in the ribs.

"What wrong?" Jasper asked simply. He always cut straight to the chase.

"It's Bella," I said in an almost growl. If they didn't believe that I was angry the plan would fall apart and I will resort to punching Jasper's wall to make them see frustration.

"What about her? Did she not wanna get a manicure with you?" Emmett asked. That boy didn't know the definition of serious.

"She's pregnant." They so were not expecting that. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"Whoa." stated Emmett. Now he didn't know what to say for once. I think I may have heard a tiny bit of pride in his voice though. Douche bag.

"Yeah,"I gave a little sarcastic smile. All those times of acting like I actually liked a girl are paying off.

"Uh..what? Who, where, what, when and why?" Jasper just has to know everything.

"Me and Bella, Phoenix, drunken one night stand, happened a few weeks ago when I visited that long distance 'friend'," They just stared as they took this all in. "The adults were out of town, we got drunk, slept together and I did a runner the morning after."I can't believe they actually believe me. I would never do that to Bella.

"Dude, your in deep shit," Emmett has always had a way with words.

"She only just told me half an hour ago. She wants me to tell my parents with her in an hour. I don't know what to do," the frustration was shown heavily through my tone of voice.

"Can you come with me incase Esme tries to stop me ever being able to reproduce again?" Emmett sympathized for me. His parents are always on business trips so he is like Esme and Carlises second son. Whenever he gets busted for starting a food fight at school it's them he has to answer to - and Rosalie for getting jello in her hair. He never learns.

"Of course we'll come. I have child protection services on speed dial ever since Esme found out Emmett had broken a window whilst chasing a butterfly. We'll come, I mean I would want you to be behind me if I ever had to tell Carlisle I'd got Alice knocked up. Make that in front of me so he can't touch me," Jasper decided this for him and Emmett, because the giant pringle would never agree to being present during Esme's wrath.

"Ha ha, you'd want Edward there so Carlisle can't touch you? He's a tiny pringle of a guy! Ha ha, I would just sing and dance in the background... Can't touch this, na na na na, na na, na na, can't touch this-"Emmett was now singing M. C. Hammer. This was not going as I had planned. So much for shock and seriousness. Oh lord he's dancing now. He needs a shock collar like those guard dogs have to stop them from barking so loud. It might get Emmett to finally shut up when needed. Try telling his parents that though.

"Can you drive us down? I don't want my first baby to hear that I've been cheating on her," I said. It was true. In this situation I would not want my baby Volvo to find out about me and Bella not in this way, that would just be cruel. Jasper nodded, grabbed his keys and turned the T. V off.

Help me. Save me. This is cruel. Why does Jasper have to drive? No, why does he have to drive his car? Why does he insist on listening to hardcore Emo music - which is just some guy screaming about dead hearts, depression and demon/personal wars- at full volume causing the mustang to make some unhealthy vibration noises like bits are falling off it? I stared out the windows trying to block out the incessant awfulness that was pouring out of the speakers.

My pocket started buzzing with Piano Sonata No. 2 - Funeral March. It must be five o'clock, time for Jessica's routine message. One of my biggest regrets is asking her out last year. It lead to one really god awful date where I honestly thought she would rape me. Now she has developed a stalker complex, leaving messages on my locker, following me around in school, spreading rumours about me and her hooking up as well as the never ending supply of text messages.

I would never hit a girl but she's hardly a girl and if she randomly turns up at my house one more time I will break her nose. She'll probably thank me because then she'll be able to get it done again on her daddy's credit card.

She used to do the same to Emmett but then Rose smacked her and inserted his phone up her ass seeing as she wouldn't stop calling it. Remind me to never, ever cross Rose. Oh damn that's what I'm doing right now. All because of Bella's stupidly genius plan to make them all feel twice as relieved when we reveal that she's coming back home.

It really hasn't been the same since she left. Last year it was really hard, when we were semi together. Long distance is difficult and is just plain painful. We eventually finished that, went back to friends status and I resumed fooling around with all the girls I can find. None of them hold a light to Bella, as she's beautiful inside and out but we work best as friends.

I can't think about little Bella like that. She's the girl who spent hours as a kid yelling at the floor for tripping her over. Girlfriends can't be friends as well. It's just weird. Bella is way to pure for me and me ever so much as kissing her would devalue her forever.

She'll get married to someone a million leagues above me and it'll make her happy. If they ever were to make her show an emotion even resembling sadness or hurt I will hunt them down and kill them though. It's just the way me and Bells work and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm not a creep like all the guys that used to go to school with her at Forks High. I don't have sick fantasies about her and glow in the dark dinosaur stickers. I don't even think kissing Bella and I've known her for years, nor have I made a move on her. Imagine kissing Bella...

"Dude, we're here. You can stop remembering your trip to Phoenix and drooling all over the interior," Jasper teased. I wasn't drooling... was I? Oh no, this can't be good.

Project: _Spawn  
_Team: _Bella & Edward_  
Phase: _Finale  
_Involving: _All_

"Rosie's car is here but Bella's isn't. Looks like she's bought back up,"Emmett said in a Mission Impossible voice. Tool. We all walked up the stepping stone path up to the front door.

Inside the girls were sat on the new recliner in front of the flat screen. Well, Bella was sitting and Alice and Rosalie were sitting on the chair arms either side of her, giving us evils. Jasper and Emmett gulped in unison when they saw there other halves.

Bella stood up and walked over to me very casually and called for my parents to come.

"Esme!Carlisle! Me and Edward have some news!" Everyone was surprised by our sudden coolness. Esme and Carlisle came in curiously. They sat down next to Jasper on the big black leather sofa and sensed the tense atmosphere. Esme was looking at me in a "What have you done now?" way that only a mom can pull off.

"I have something to tell you all. I-" Bella stopped when she saw a car pull up on the drive rather quickly.

CPOV?!

Project: _Kill Edward_

Team: _Charlie_

Phase: _It's Shotgun Time_

Involving: _My gun and Edward_

HE GOT MY BABY PREGNANT! HE'S GOING TO PAY!

I thought it was weird that Bella wanted to move back here. I was happy of course cause she's my Princess. I went out to see my friend's at La Push to spread the news. I came home to see Rosalie's car in the drive. She's the blonde girl with the mechanical skills of a pro and one of Bella's best friends. I went in and was about to turn the T. V on when I heard my baby screaming. I ran upstairs and was about to rush into her room when she yelled out something that made me freeze and my blood boil.

"I'M SURE! I'M PREGNANT WITH EDWARDS KID!' She yelled, tears pouring down her face. I ran downstairs thinking one thing.

I'm gonna shoot that boy good.

I thrashed the cruiser all the way to the Hale's. He'd probably be hiding with his friends like the coward he is. I got out the car, slammed the door and ran to the front door. I almost banged it down there and then but Kris answered.

"Charlie! I thought you were gonna break in! Calm down, you look like a horse about to buck! What's Jasper done now?" She asked with a light southern accent. I was too far gone to answer properly though.

"IM GOING TO SKIN EDWARD ALIVE! HE CAN RUN BUT HE CAN'T HIDE!" I yelled. I was about to pop a blood vessel. How dare that weasel touch my daughter!

"Ah, lookin' for Edward? The three musketeers just left for the Cullen's. I think they're meeting the girls there. I can drive you if-"

"HA! I'VE GOT HIM NOW!" I ran off and pumped my shot gun with an angry thrust of the hand.

Once again I rallied the car there. I even stuck the siren on. If him disrespecting my daughter isn't a crime then what I'm about to do to him is.

When I was outside I slammed the door and ran through the garden, ruining all of Esme's carefully arranged flowers. I threw the door open and ran in.

BPOV

Project: **RUN FOR YOUR LIFE**!

"Dad! Calm down! What's wrong?" I attempted to say calmly but my old man was turning a whole new shade of smurf and it was worrying to say the least.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU EDWARD CULLEN! YOU KNOCK MY DAUGHTER UP LIKE ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR SLUTS! WELL NO SIREE YOU ANSWER TO ME!" Charlie screamed. Aw shiz.

"WHAT!" Esme yelled, looking outraged at Edward. I really have to say something. Never mind that watching Edward pull the face of a frightened puppy is the funniest thing ever.

"DAD! CALM DOWN! I'M NOT PREGNANT!" I screamed. Why does my father have to act like a hillbilly?

"DON'T STICK UP FOR HIM!"He yelled. He looked like he was about to pull the trigger when Edward yelled out.

"I WOULD NEVER SLEEP WITH BELLA! I DON'T LIKE HER IN THAT WAY!" This is getting ridiculous.

"SHE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YA!? WELL SHE DON'T NEED YOU!" He yelled.

"DAD JUST PUT THE GUN DOWN!" That was not a sentence I had ever planned to say. I was surprised when he did just as I said.

"Phew. I would never knock your daughter up, sir. I would use protection," Edward said, trying to sound mature and clever. That was when Charlie lunged and smacked him in the face.

**AN HOUR LATER**

To say people are confused is an understatement. Edward's being fixed up by a stony Carlisle and Charlie left in a police cruiser. Not his own may I add since the neighbours heard and called 911. Now that was embarrassing.

"Dad, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to get so out of hand. It was just a prank on the others. I didn't know Charlie would hear," Edward said. He has been saying things like that for the past half hour and not getting anywhere.

"It was my fault! It was my plan and I was the one Charlie overheard," I pointed out. It was to no avail however.

"Bella, don't try and cover up for Edward. He made the plan and he's tying to lead you astray on your last day. Oh and Esme was planning a leaving dinner for you, to say goodbye. Everyone was invited, including Charlie but it looks unlikely now," Carlisle said with shame shining through his words. We'd really screwed this one up.

"There your done. Its only a few stitches. You should be alright.. until your Mother starts. She's holding off until Bella leaves," He finished. Edward gulped. It's Ok though, I've got another plan. One that won't end up in handcuffs and requiring stitched to the lip.  
Carlisle left the room and I sat next to Edward on the sofa.

"We really should do these plans more often," I said. Edward stared at me.

"Easy for you to say, you haven't lost any blood,' he pointed out. "Wait, I'm bleeding and your not passing out," finally the boy realises

"I've got over my irrational fear of blood. It got so bad that I passed out during a blood typing lesson in Biology. Renee sent me to a therapist and taadaa, I'm cured." It's amazing how much he didn't know about me now. We used to now every tiny detail about me but when IU moved I became less dependant and got over alot of fears and grew up alot. Try telling Charlie that now though. This was going to take some serious grovelling to put right

"Your not pressing charges on Charlie are you?"I had to ask. Charlie had done quite a bit of damage to a seventeen year old. Didn't sound like they'd let him just walk out.

"Hell no! He's a family friend! He's like a second Dad. That and the fact he'd probably break out and make sure he shot me this time." He has a point. It was due to my quick thinking of hiding the gun that this isn't really serious.

My phone started buzzing. It was an unknown number

"Hello?"

"Bella, it's your Dad. Can you please come down and pay bail?" Ha didn't sound that angry. Then again he is in a police station trying to prove he doesn't have anger problems.

"Sure, see you in a few," I closed the phone with that and got up.

"I've gotta go bail Charlie out," I said to Edward. Normally I would ask Alice to come but they had all left as soon as they could. They were all heavily confused and Emmett looked like he was getting a headache just by thinking about ! Him thinking!

"I must really be an idiot because I'm coming with you. Do you know how much bail is?" Edward asked. Wait, that's a good point. Charlie had magically forgotten to say how much it was.

"Ummm... no. How much do you reckon?"He does have Emmett as a brother. He should have a pretty good idea.

"Anywhere from a hundred to a thousand," I choked.

"A THOUSAND!?" HOLY SMOKES! MY TRUCK ISN'T EVEN WORTH THAT! I DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY!"

"C'mon, I can cover it, and don't bother arguing. Unless you've won the lottery, I'm paying," he said. Damn it, I can't even argue because I really needed him to pay. It's not like he'd miss the money. The Cullens are rolling in it and I am painfully aware of that fact.

"Fine," I said and we both headed out to the car.

"THAT'S $850 bail for a second offence. He's only getting off because he's police chief and your not pressing charges," Mick said. Mick was one of the cops under Charlie and one of his poker buddies. I made note of the second offence bit. I didn't know Charlie had ever been arrested before this. This will be interesting.

"Here you go," Edward said and handed over the money like spare change, which it is to him. Lucky.

"Dad! I'm so sorry! I'm so so-" I began to grovel but he cut me off.

"It was my fault. I should have known you were up to your old tricks and um..."He turned to face Edward. "I'm sorry about the um... damage," Charlie hates having to apologize Edward. I prayed Edward didn't start doing a victory dance at Charlie apologizing to him.

"Oh, it's no trouble. You know I would never get Bells knocked up," he said. Thank the lord he applied common sense and didn't go" You know I just bailed you so your my bitch now" I really wouldn't have surprised me if he had.

Edwards phone went off and went outside to answer it

"I'm sorry about that before. It's just that I hate the idea of you dirtying yourself with the likes of him. You don't have a boyfriend, do you?!" He said, the question part rushed and his face turned slightly red.

"No! I'm pretty much a loner back in Phoenix apart from Angela and Ben, who are boyfriend and girlfriend. Also you should know by now that Edward doesn't want to be with me in that way," I said. Oh no that last bit sounded like I wanted to go out with Edward. Which I so don't. Mostly. I hope Charlie didn't notice that.

"I know, I know. It's just your silly old Dad going over the top as usual," he said. Thank the great smurf up above that he didn't notice. Wait, is that a tear in his eye?

"Guys, Esme's doing a big dinner. It's back on and you two are invited with Bella as the guest of honour," Edward said as he came back in.

"You still haven't told them about you moving have you?" Charlie asked.

"Well that was meant to be the last bit of the prank to announce the news. Ah well I'll just do it at dinner, with everyone there,"I said.

"Uh, can we leave now. That guy in the cell is giving me a weird look," Edward said sounding scared. I turned around to see a really big skinhead staring at Edward like he's meat. Then the guy winked at his and did a 'Yoohoo!' wave. I ran out of the station and started laughing my but off.

"Looks like you've got a new friend Eddikins," I said to him as he came out the station behind me.

"You know, I could give him your phone number when I'm at work tomorrow," Charlie said as he came out.

"No. Let's just get to this dinner and pray something stupid doesn't happen tonight," Edward said whilst opening my trucks door for me.

**Please R&R! Suggestions for what will happen/go wrong at dinner are welcome, aswell as things that need to be fixed up and made better. I can't get a beta because I don't have enough stories up so I'm relying on you guys!**


	3. I Told Emmett Not To Buy The Chef Hat!

**A/N Once again, the word processing program I use froze and I lost everything whilst editing. Now I have to resort too Word '97 so you can understand why I think the world is against my writing. That and the fact no one bothers to review so I don't know if me writing is even worth it because no one sys if it's good or bad! Frustrating! I did have fun with this chapter though, I enjoyed writing it so I hope you like reading it!**

APOV

Hmm, sad or happy, sad or happy... happy. Definitely. I'll be mostly happy tonight seeing as I get another opportunity to give Barbie Bella a make over and I have the perfect outfit for her. I refuse to be sad that she's leaving. Besides, I have the sneaking suspicion that it won't be for long... but in case it is I need to imprint a beautiful Bella into everyone's mind for until the next time we see her. When I am done with her Edward will fall over himself trying to ask her out/confess secret undying love for her! It's going to be so brilliant! Especially with Rosalie here to do her makeup whilst I do her hair. I looked at the clock in my closet (I have it there so I don't lose track of time inside my beautiful shoe collection). Eek! Only two hours until dinner starts! Silly flights, she leaves at four in the morning tomorrow so we only have until two with her. That's only eight hours... This week has gone so quickly and it hasn't had anywhere near as many makeovers as it should've... ah well. I shall make up for it now, with a beautiful finale. I have to hurry and get her ready!

"BELLA! YOU GET YOUR BUT UP HERE NOW! DON'T PRETEND YOU CAN'T HEAR ME BECAUSE I KNOW YOU CAN!" I yelled. I don't get why that girl hates these make-overs so much. This and shoe shopping. She is such a weirdo, I mean she'd prefer to hang out with my dorky idiot of a brother who can't even realise he loves her! Is it so hard for everyone to listen to me and realise that yes, they do need a new pair of Stella McCartney heels and yes they are in love with who I say they're in love with?

"Alice, do we have to do this? I'm only going to end up uncomfortable and irritable for my last dinner her for a year and I want to be as happy as possible," Bella said as she entered the room. The girl is a novice in the ways of persuasion. Also I had had a feeling she would say that so I didn't get her a custom made Dolce & Gabbana dress but instead opted for skinny jeans and a top. Only it's not as plain as that of course. For one thing her shoes have real jewels on them.... Also I have a clutch bag for her in case Emmett ruins Esme's kitchen like last time and we have to go to the Italian restaurant in Portland Bella likes so much. I've even booked a table there just to be sure and it's a Wednesday night. Nothing is going to go wrong tonight.

"EMMETT! GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN YOU ARE NOT A CHEF! I DON'T CARE THAT YOU BOUGHT A CHEF'S HAT ON E-BAY! GET OUT NOW! EMMETT NO!" Esme screamed downstairs. At the end of her scream there was a big crashing noise. I told Emmett not to blow twenty bucks on that chef hat, that he'd still be banned from the kitchen. He's been banned ever since he found out that to check if spaghetti's ready you can throw it against the wall and if it sticks it's ready. He went overboard as usual and when we all came home from shopping the kitchen was in ruins. Chef hats can't make up for that kind of damage.

"Alice, you booked the table in Portland didn't you?" Esme asked, appearing in my bedrooms doorway.

"Of course," I said. I really am a superhero.

"Bella, I spent weeks trying to find a nice comfortable outfit for you so SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" I screamed. There isn't enough time to persuade her.

"Want some help?" Rose asked as she wandered in to my room.

"The usual. You're on makeup duty whilst I do her hair," I stated. I think Jasper's military obsession is rubbing off on me. Not enough time to think about that though as I turned the curlers on.

BPOV

"Bella, I love you," Edward said as we ran through the meadow. He stopped and pulled me backwards down onto the grass and I didn't care that I was ruining my beautiful yellow dress, only about savouring this moment with him. That was when he pinned me down and gave me a soft, sweet kiss.

"Bella, wake up," said Edward in a female voice. His lips had moved but that was definitely not his voice. What?

"BELLA!" Rosalie yelled. My eyes flew open and I took in my surroundings. I'm still in this stupid chair being made over and that was all just a dream. Dammit.

"We're done!" Alice said in her excited pixie voice. I looked in the mirror and...

"WHAT THE FRICK!"I screamed. My hair! My beautiful straight, waist long hair is gone! It's been replace by short curls! No!

"Bella! Calm down, I've just trimmed it," Alice said in a soothing voice.

"TRIMMED IT!?! YOU'VE CUT HALF OF IT OFF!" I screamed. Ok, maybe I am over reacting but this is like losing a limb.

"It's still long, it's down to your shoulders and it's layered. I think you look gorgeous," Rosalie said. Breathe Bella, breathe. It does look quite nice, I suppose. I vow to never fall asleep and give Alice free reign ever again.

"You gave me a side fringe?! I look like a, like a-" I started and stuttered.

"Fashionable teenage girl?" Alice asked hopefully.

"Exactly! It's not... me!" I said. I looked, strange. For years I have had been growing my long hair and not had a fringe. Now it's all... short and fringy.

"Look we don't have time to go through this. Bella get dressed, your clothes are in the bathroom. Go! Alice said, practically throwing me off the chair. She is far too strong for someone her size, it's creepy.

I growled and went through to Alice's bathroom. There waiting for me was my outfit and three things came into my head.

A) It was perfect

B) Do those shoes have jewels on them?!

C) Yep, those are real jewels. The box says Alexander McQueen- Black Swarovski Peep Toe - Black. I do not want to see the price tags for this outfit.

I came out of the bathroom and looked in a full length mirror. It was like someone is standing there. I had curls and a side fringe. My make up is flawless, making me appear airbrushed and a natural looking glow. The deep blue Valentino sleeveless top with a neat bow in the middle looks gorgeous paired with white 7 for Mankind skinny jeans and the Sparkle Heels is just... wow. I don't get fashion but I know what a gorgeous outfit is and this must be the definition. Then Alice came out in a pencil skirt, sleeveless top with a bow on the left shoulder and black heels (which made her an adult height) and handed me a leather purple metallic clutch bag.

"It's time," She said with a straight face. Nutcase.

EPOV

"Emmett, trying to juggle plates in kitchen whilst Esme is cooking is bad enough, but plates with food on them?" I said to the great immature buffoon cousin of mine.

"Dude, you should have seen it. It was sick," he said. He actually sounded proud that he had ruined Esme's hard work and forced us to go to a restaurant all the way in Portland.

"You're an idiot. How much longer do you reckon the girls are going to be?" I asked him. He looked deep in thought. Ha! Him thinking.

"I know! I'll go up there and ask Rosie!" He declared.

"She'll cut your manhood off if you interrupt a Barbie Bella session," I pointed out. It wouldn't be the first time he's burst in on a makeover and been threatened with death/ losing parts of his anatomy. He was about to argue when Bella screamed "WHAT THE FRICK!" Oh no. That doesn't sound good. "TRIMMED IT!?! YOU'VE CUT HALF OF IT OFF!" Oh no. They've taken it too far if they have cut her hair. Her long hair is gorgeous and Bella is very protective of it. Way too protective if you ask me.

"Want to be whooped at Wii while we wait?" I asked. It's best to stay as far away from hysterical Bella as possible

"Oh, it's on lil' Eddiekins. You are going so far down you'll be hanging with the mole people," Emmett declared. He is such a child.

"Emmett, can we stop now?" I asked. I was beating him 5-0 and he was about to throw the remote through the T.V for the second time this month.

"We're ready!" I heard Alice yell down the stairs. I turned the Wii off and went into the hall to get my keys when I saw Bella standing in front of the front door.

"Edward! Are you Ok?" Bella asked as she helped me up from the ground. Note to self: Never eat off of floor, even if it's clean enough to d so. It will taste of floor.

"Yeah, I was just surprised to see you there," I said, sounding like a moron. She's meant to be the clumsy one, not me!

"Come on you guys, Edward stop falling over yourself at Bella's beauty," the pixie said in an 'I know you why you fell over it's because you secretly love her' way which she always uses whenever I mess up around Bella. She is obsessed with the idea me and Bella are more then friends. She walked off to Carlisle's car and I helped Bella across the garden.

The shoes Bella is wearing are going to kill her. She can trip over on flat stable ground just walking, never mind in massive heels. She can't even stand on the spot with them. I don't get why girls get dressed up. Though those heels do make her legs look long. That top makes her skin look creamy and teamed with those jeans her figure looks…

"Edward, stop staring at me," Bella said. Now I'm not just a falling over moron but a perv as well. Smooth Cullen

I don't get the fuss about the hair. She looks nicer with the side fringe. Overall I am very aware that she is a girl in that outfit. Much better then jeans and a hoodie. I just want to take her aside and...

"EDWARD! Seriously! Stop staring at me like I'm something to eat!" she said. When the hell did she get so confident? I looked down feeling my face going red. Crap, am I blushing? This is not good. I opened the car door for Bella and helped her in.

"Who's going in this car?" I asked Alice who was now making out with Jasper. She stopped eating his face to respond.

"Only you and Bella, Emmett's getting Charlie from La Push and Jasper, Rosalie and I are going with the elders," Alice said. She then went back to sucking face.

She had so planned it so Bella and I got to go together. Damn her and her scheming! I got into the Volvo and turned the engine on seeing as I don't have to wait for anyone else.

"I, Bella Swan vow to kill Alice Hitler Cullen," Bella said in a scouts honour pose, with one hand on her heart and the other in the air.

"She'll just take you shopping if you try a revenge plot," I pointed out. I have been a shopping victim many a time.

"She cut my long beautiful hair off! It took years to get it that long and she just cut it off on a whim! RAWR!" Bella said. It has been years since she's made that noise so she must be angry. I haven't heard her go Rawr since third grade.

"I think it looks luscious." WTF!? Did I just say luscious? Am I trying to sound gay? "I mean, it suits you," Still verging on gay but not as bad.

"I don't care! I still don't like it and I still don't like her!" Bella said. She calmed down in a few minutes though and we started talking our usual junk. We were just being Edward and Bella like old times. It was a little awkward on my part though as I have never been so aware the she is a girl. Well I know she's a girl, but I had forgotten just how much of a girl she is. Hoodies and baggy jeans just made her Bella in my mind. This outfit made her Girl Bella though and boy is there a difference. Just as we were really having fun we reached the stupid restaurant.

"Everyone's already here," Bella said. Sure enough the Emmett's jeep and Carlisle's car were already here.

"Dammit, I forgot to drive fast," I said. Usually I had fun with my Volvo, testing its skills. This time I had followed the… speed limit. I shuddered involuntarily.

"You drove like a sane person!" Bella said surprised. I didn't want to think about it anymore it's too disturbing. I got out and held the door open for Bella, even adding a little bow. Whenever Bella was around I always acted like this, like a kid on Christmas. Must just be the little kid coming out at all those memories.

BPOV

As soon as we walked in Alice pounced on us.

"Why did you take so long!?" She asked. She reminds me of a little puppy, always jumping up at you.

"Edward was driving slowly for a change," I said simply. Alice looked confused. It really wasn't Edward like or even Cullen like to follow the sapped limit. I ignored her though and made beeline straight for the open chairs at the big round table that everyone was sitting at. I was almost there when Edward stopped me and almost sent me flying. He put me straight again though and cleared his throat.

"Every one, Bella has some news for you," He said and sat down. Damn him, now everyone in the restaurant is looking at me.

"Oh no, not again," Charlie said, making the table laugh. Well, not the table obviously but the people sitting at it.

"Urm, well I uh…" I began. I'm meant to be good at English! I want to be an author yet I can't even string a sentence together when it comes to public speaking.

"Well, you see Renee has run off with the circus as a make up artist and I'm being kicked out of Phoenix. I'm moving back here to live with Charlie," I said rather quickly. Everyone cheered and Alice immediately had to say something and interrogate me.

"YOU'RE KIDDING!" She yelled at such a high pitch it left my ears ringing. She scares me when she's in happy Alice mode.

"When are you moving?"

"I will be a permanent resident of forks by next week," I said quickly. It's quick fire interrogation time.

"Are you going to Forks high?"

"Well where else would I go?"

"You mean I get to watch you fall over again in the canteen!" Emmett said. Alice shushed him and Edward rolled his eyes.

"Are you happy to move back?"

"Of course I am!" Well I was hardly going to go NO I HATE YOU I HAV EBEEN SENTENECEED TO HELL BY MOVING HERE!

"Has Renee really run away with the circus?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Or are you really moving here because you and Edward have realised your undying lo-"

"So this isn't a leaving party after all!" I said cutting off Alice. She is such a tool sometimes.

"LET'S CELEBRATE!" Emmett yelled and for once Rose didn't smack him on the back of the head.

For the next hour or two we were by far the nosiest table in a mostly empty restaurant. We had eaten, laughed at Emmett and watched a waitress flirt with Edward. It was like old times.

_"Hey honey, what are you ordering? Let me guess. You want something steamy for dessert?" the waitress asked. I want to slap her._

_"No, he doesn't," I answered. It's best not to let Edward speak in these situations in case he says something, well, Edward like._

_"You know, there are private tables in the back if you want something extra on the side if you know what I mean," she even licked her lips as she said that. Lord help me._

_"Oh, I wasn't aware this was part restaurant part brothel. They really should put that in the adverts," I said. This girl does not want to pick a fight with me._

_"I'm sorry about the prude. She obviously doesn't know what you want," she said in a husky voice that was meant to sound husky but it just sounded like she was an old lady with a bad smoking habit._

_"Please, he's not interested ion the likes of you. Are the tips here not good enough? Do you have to resort to providing extra services on the side to pay for your addictions?" I said. Rosalie looked proud of me._

_"Honey, you obviously don't know what your man wants otherwise he would have told me to go away, not you," she said. She obviously isn't aware that his parents are watching her with disgust. "We can ditch them and go grab a drink if you want."_

_"No thanks," Edward said, pretending not to be staring at her chest which was in his face._

_"I'll just have whatever he's having," Edward said, gesturing towards Jasper._

_"You sure?" She asked. Boy, she really didn't get the message._

_"He's sure," I said before he could respond. She picked up his menu even had the guts to slip him her number on a napkin. Then she walked over to me._

_"What do you want? Something off the kids menu? Because you are no where near the woman enough for big boy here," she said in a taunting voice. I remained sweet though._

_"No I want the…" I said, pointing at something random at the menu. She leant forward to read it and I put my foot out. When she took a step backwards she tripped and fell on to the table behind us into an old mans plate of spaghettis bolognaise._

_"That steamy enough for you?" Edward asked smirking. She stormed off and I turned round with a smug grin on my face even though I was trying to hide it._

_"Go Bella!" Rosalie said and everyone went "Yeah! Go Bella!" after her. Everyone but the adults did anyway._

_"I feel oddly proud of you…" Charlie said with a moustache spreading smile._

_"If Emmett had done that I would kill him but its you so … Nice one!" Carlisle said taking a drink of water. Carlisle and Charlie couldn't drink alcohol because they were on call and Esme doesn't drink any kind of alcohol._

_"Bella you go girlfriend!" Esme said whilst doing the Z- click that girl gangsters do in movies. Everyone laughed at that._

The guys were arguing about cars, the girls were talking about there favourite designer and me and Edward were talking rubbish when Carlisle got paged.

"Great there's been a pile up on the highway," he said getting up. "I'm needed at the hospital."

"The station will need me. Can you give me a lift down?" Charlie asked.

"I'll drive you two down and see if they need any volunteers," Esme offered. She really has a heart of gold. They all said there good byes and apologies for leaving early. Carlisle left some money for the check which Alice took and they all left.

As soon as they were out the door Alice got up and paid the check.

"Why are you paying? We've still got hours before Bella needs to go! Emmett said. It's true, my plane departs at four o'clock and it's only nine.

"We're leaving here but the party isn't over! We have no parental supervision for the night and it's holidays so we don't have school tomorrow!" Alice declared.

This will not turn out good. It can't turn out good. Every time we get in this situation it leads to hangovers, destruction and sometimes mug shots.

**Next chapter will be drinking games and if it works according to plan you'll find out that Eddie is up to something… the beginning of the serious/ main storyline! Also when I was writing this I got extremely distracted going on the internet and finding Bella and Alice's outfit so the links are on my profile just so it hasn't all gone to waist. The only made up part are white 7 for mankind jeans. On the website they don't have single pair of white ones, which is weird to say the least. So yeah, links on profile and the next chapter will get done soon! Please review, the only person to review lives on my street and she's reviewed TWICE so YOU can be the only other person to review! What an honour! If you review you get the next chapter dedicated to you and I will check your stories out if you have any. Fair trade? ;D**


	4. Cat Run Overing Psychos Anonymous

**A/N sorry to those that reviewed me and I replied saying this would be up in twenty four hours. It is late and I'm sorry, but you can blame my parents for deciding to get rid of my beautiful puppy Chelsea and not telling me until last night and she is going today. We had a little leaving party with her best friends and she thanked me by spewing on my bed which took up most of the day. Anyway, the following people have reviewed and it is thanks to them that I bothered to write this chapter at all, so here are my dedications. **

**Sophiee.W**- From one Sophie to another, your story Love Triangle rocks and you need to update soon! Thanks for the review; it was the first one I got for this story that wasn't from someone I know. It really made my day. In fact I was grinning do hard my Dad asked me if I had stapled my mouth to my cheeks again. Also I began to skip when I got off the computer (when I'm happy I'm energetic) but I fell over my dog. You're praising words had a big effect on me, as you can see.

**Earth-fairy2006** – I hope this is a soon enough update for you. Your review really raised my spirits. Also your stories Switched at Birth and Singing Ivories are very unique.

**Wednesdayshearts** - Emo Jasper is funny though! Besides, I am Team Jasper so I can say whatever I want about him. Teehee!

**Flameco68** - People love sending me numerous smiley faces in reviews, but hey, I'm not complaining.

**LifeisaFairyTale** - I would say checking out her stories but she gets twice as many hits as I do so I have sworn her as my arch nemesis. She is a great writer though and her one shots have me laughing and crying. Though if I don't review quick enough it's probably her fault as she is one of the only reasons I get off the computer at all during the holidays.

**twilightluvr001 **– One word long and it still made me smile

**These reviews and the way they've made me smile have made me re-consider becoming a writer. If I can get praise even though I haven't been writing for that long and not that often, I can only hope to grow a million times better through practising and paying attention in English from time to time. Thank you so much for the sweet reviews, I haven't had a single bad one so far. Anyway, let the games begin!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight and all of it's sparkly goods belong to Stephanie Meyer. If you steal them and don't at least credit her she will eat you and pick your bones clean. Or get your story taken down and send you a formal message. It really depends on wether she has had breakfast of witch guts first** XD

EPOV

"Alice, this is a stupid idea. Bella can't get on a plane if she's drunk! She'll end up singing 'It's Raining Men' with the air hostesses and offering the pilot some Vodka she snuck on," Bella did that the first time she got drunk. Only she did it to Charlie and a Bus Driver. It might not be a story to tell the grandkids though as she ended up driving down to La Push and declaring her undying love for dogs to the confused looking natives and trying to make out with her family friend Jacob Black. I smacked him afterwards when he made certain suggestions to Bella and got myself banned from First Beach. Wait, did I say/think story to tell the grandkids? Whose grandkids? Oh dammit, I was thinking about me and Bella…. again.

"Yes and that's what makes it fun. Besides, if she gets incredibly drunk she'll pass out and we'll shove her in a taxi, which I have already called to take her away at three, first to hers to get suitcases and then to the airport. So she won't miss her plane and she won't wake up on the bathroom floor like last time. Though whatever after she leaves is not my responsibility. It's not my fault that after a certain point she snaps and turns into a crazy lady," Alice said in a sing song voice. She was using her three year old voice to further push her innocence in getting Bella drunk. It was quite a weird image, this tiny pixie talking with a fake angel voice whilst pulling out lots of spirits and beer from a secret compartment in one of her Shoe wardrobes in her mammoth walk -in closet.

"Holy crap, are you trying to drown us?! This is enough to get all of the Catholic Church to sing 'YMCA'!" Alice never did things by halves, ever.

"I'm not forcing you to drink it all. Besides we need it all for the games. Oh and I'm going to video tape it so if Emmett admits that he was the one that stole my green alligator skin heels I have proof." she said lightly. This is not looking good.  
I followed her downstairs carrying the beer and camera to see Jasper and Emmett arm wrestling whilst Rosalie and Alice cheered them on and Bella was scribbling away in the notebook she keeps on her at all times in case inspiration hits. She looks beautiful when she's writing, like she's in another, much happier planet.

"Bella, you can't think whilst in the presence of Emmett! He'll get confused about the fact that there is meant to be more then a unicycling monkey inside a brain. To him you like a blonde looking at concentrate juice," I sad from behind her, making her jump. She quickly shook her head and came back Earth whilst Rosalie threw her shoe at me for making the dig at blondes. Man stilettos hurt. I put the beer down and set the camera up on the TV. I pressed record and the red light came on.

"Ok little children, stop fighting," Alice said.

"Who are you calling little!?" Emmett said. He is almost three times her height so he has a point.

"Ok, children stop fighting," she said smirking, putting emphasis on the children part.

"OK we will," Emmett said trying to sound dignified. The smurf was taking pride in being called a child. Toolface.

"Now, let's start off with something simple. Everyone sit in a circle and take a shot glass. We're going to start with I Never," I moved to sit next to Bella and Jasper on the living room floor.

"There is one rule that runs for the whole night. If you lie and we know it or can tell by your face then you have to chug. It's one beer for girls because it's awful and it's a pitcher for guys. Doesn't seem like much but you'll really feel it at the end of the night," Alice sounded so business like it's scary. You'd think she runs a backstreet drinking house in her spare time. "Now I'll just pour you your first shots," That last sentence sounded like a nurse. Note to self: never let Alice become a nurse in case she gives the kids the wrong kind of shots.  
When Alice sat down she declared that she should start as she had set it up.

"It's going to be easy to start with. I've never failed a test of any sort, including driver's test,' I downed mine and shuddered at the taste. I failed a test recently when I got 24% on a calculus test. This was partly because Emmett got us both chucked out when he decided to make paper airplanes out of the two test papers and threw one at me and the other at the teacher. I got blamed even though I was just a victim in another one of Emmett's Stupid Time Filling Plans. Damn him and his short attention span.  
I looked around. It was only Alice, Rosalie and Jasper that hadn't drank. Even Bella had. I looked at her questioningly.

"In my first driver's test I ran over a cat," She said guiltily.

"Well if it ran onto the street it's hardly your fault," I defended, trying to make her feel better.

"It was on the sidewalk… well more in someone's back garden. Sitting on a fence," she said. Emmett boomed with laughter. Bella's looks like she's in Cat Run Overing Psychos Anonymous. Alice laughed as she was refilling Bella's glass.

"That shot was Karma's way at getting back at you for it. That and failing the test," Alice said.

"I had to take three tests though before I passed! It was only a stray!" Bella defended herself. I laughed put my head in my hands at her now deer in the headlights expression.  
"Nice one Swan," I'm slightly proud of her for hitting the demon. I hate cats. They always watch me when I walk past them and my great aunt Enid's attacked me and then had a heart attack from the effort. I got grounded for that it wasn't even my fault.

"Ok my turn," Rosalie said with a devious expression. "I have never been arrested," she said simply. Now in a normal house no one would drink, but this is no a normal house. By the looks of it Emmett was going to be hammered by the end of this game and so was I. I downed my shot. I have gotten arrested for so much stuff it's not funny. Like the time I put Jasper's phone number on a billboard saying 'Call me if you want some Hot, Hot, Hot Soldier Fun.' The police weren't too happy about that one. Jasper had to get a new phone because so many people were constantly calling. Oh and his Mom saw and sent him to a therapist to help him get over any 'Confusions he may have about his identity and sexuality,' His mom even called him gay. It was so worth the four hundred dollar bail for violating public property and for breaching his privacy by putting his number and picture on public display with out his consent just for even his Mom to ask him about why he is so obsessed with the military and if it is because it's all about being close with other guys and trusting them with your life. That and sleeping in tightly fitted quarters with hot soldiers.

"I have never kissed or done anything remotely sexual with a guy," Emmett said. That was semi- intelligent for him, now Rosalie and Alice would have to drink.

BPOV  
Crap now I have to drink again. I just have to hope that they all think I've kissed a guy and not been in the back of a guy's car with him on a Friday night. I'm putting that creep Alec Volturi behind me now. His family were too weird for words as they all tried to make a move on me, even his mom Marcusette and his sister Jane who practised Voodoo. Like I said, they were weirdos.  
Luckily not everyone was looking at me though as Emmett had drunk as well even though it was him that had said he hadn't done it.

"Emmett!" Rosalie said.

"What, I forgot Ok! It was only a one time thing and it was a dare! You know I can never back out of dares and Mike Newton is kind of sexy under the influence of a dozen beers," Emmett replied. How does Rosalie put up with him?  
Edward gave me another questioning look but I really didn't want to go into it so I just pretended I hadn't seen him staring at me. Alice filled my glass again along with hers Rosalie's and Emmett's whilst Jasper took his turn.

"I have never loved someone other then Alice," Jasper said.

"Thank you Jaspy Waspy," Alice said in what was meant to be a girly voice but it came out a little slurred and as she sat down it was more of a fall then a land.

I took the shot without even realising what I was doing. I was kind of surprised in myself. I looked around the circle and everyone had downed it, even Edward. I don't know if it's the vile shots or the fact Edward has been or is in love but suddenly I feel very sick. I had downed my shot for him, but he doesn't feel that way about me.  
"Are you Ok Bella? You look a bit green," Rosalie asked concerned. I just nodded and muttered an 'I'm fine' as Alice filled the glass. I really don't do well on alcohol. First I feel sick, then I start singing and then I black out.

"I have never been in the back of a car with a guy and made him scream my name," Edward said with a smirk. He saw grinning at me, obviously thinking he was stopping from getting too hammered by saying something he assumes I have never done.  
I gulped the awful shot gown. Everyone is looking at me with wide eyes. What? I'm not that innocent, am I? Edward was looking at me like I'd shot his car and then peed on it. I really should change the subject.

"I have never lied to Esme," I said. They all gave me evils and drunk again. Everyone was getting drunk now.

"Ok, everyoness had therre tuurn now so we're going to play a gaame of Rock, Paper, Scissors, Strip! Everyone pairrs offf and verses eachotherr. If you lose twoo out of three then youu have to take an item of clothing off and chug a beerr or shot. It'ss your choice. Oh… weee need music.......' Alice said and skipped off to the stereo and put Lady Gaga on really loudly. I walked over to Edward and we got into opur usual pairings. I want to beat him so bad; I mean shirtless Edward Cullen may just be the best prize for coming first in something ever.

"Ok, Go!" Alice said and everyone started to rock there hands.

"You're going to wish you were never born when I'm done with you Cullen," I threatened.

"You're going down like a drowning swan," he replied. That was harsh and cruel to swans and he is going to pay.

"Paper, Scissors Rock!" We chanted. I had rock and he had scissors. "Ha! I crush you!" I said.

"Paper, Scissors Rock!" We repeated. This time it was my scissors against his rock. "Dammit!" I said.

"That's what you get for taking on the big gun. Now last one for dignity!" he said and we repeated the game.

"Edward, you cheated!" I wailed like a little girl.

"No, I won fair and square," he argued.  
I took another awful shot and decided to do something stupid. Just to annoy Edward. Jasper had lost and taken his watch off, Emmett had taken a shoe off and they were all playing it safe. I excused my self and headed to the bathroom. I came back a minute or two later with my article of clothing behind my back in my hand. Everyone was waiting for me so they could start the next round and had gotten into there next parings and Edward, who was with Alice, stared at me. I was standing next to him and Emmett was next to Alice as he was my partner.

"You cheated, you didn't take anything off," he accused just loud enough so I could him over Just Dance but only enough so it was only me that heard. I made my eyes look towards the hand behind my back ad Edward saw my hand there. I opened my hand to show the Victoria's Secret underwear Alice had made me wear. He looked like he'd been smacked in the face and like it was Christmas when he realised what the black lace was. I stuffed it in my back pocket and started the second round.

"Emmett, you lost. Take your other shoe off and get on with it," I said for the fifth time. He chugged down a beer, burped and decided that his shoe wasn't good enough. He threw his top over his head and yelled 'Woohoo!' Jasper had lost to Rosalie so took his bel off and Edward took his right shoe off. The boy is such a prude at times. We moved around and I got Jasper. He is wasted now after the beers he had chugged whilst they had been waiting for me to come back from the bathroom earlier. This means that he keeps trying to take his clothes off unnecessarily.

"Lord, Jasper we haven't even played yet!" I was trying to restrain him from taking his pants off whilst covering my eyes. He's like a brother to me and I don't particularly want to see his camouflage print silk boxers.

"WOOH! PARTY!" Jasper yelled and picked up Alice. Rosalie had her head in her hands and was slowly rocking it side to side at her twin. Jasper left the room with Alice and left for upstairs. Emmett was trying to find his Chef's hat.

"I know it's around here somewhere," he said looking under a sofa and falling over. He started laughing at his own stupidity and Rosalie pulled him out of the room to go look in the kitchen. It is obvious they won't be back for a while. I sat on the sofa and Edward sat next to me. He was trying to pour himself a drink but he kept spilling it so I grabbed it off him and drunk it straight out the bottle. He grinned and took it off me. He took a big gulp and shook his head when the taste hit.

"Ahh, nothing like getting drunk whilst your parents are saving lives," he said.

"Amen to that," I said, getting up to change the music.

"C'mon Eddie, I don want to listen to she-man Gaga! Let's put the Barbie song on! OMG I love the Barbie song!" I said. It's totally my favourite songs of all time. I just didn't realise it until now. I was pulling him up when I fell over and he landed on top of me. We started laughing; I mean it's just the funniest thing.

"You know, you're kind of pretty, especially when you take your pants off," Edward said when he stopped laughing.

"Don't tell Edward but I love him. Bella's too shy to say anything," I said and giggled. He leant in and kissed me.

"It's Ok, he thinks he might secretly love her too," he said and kissed me again only stronger this time. I overreacted a little bit and grabbed his hair and pulled him as close as possible so he was practically squishing me. He didn't move away though but instead deepened the kiss. It became rough and I had to hold myself back from spewing into his mouth. Edward tastes of tequila. I began unbuttoning his shirt and he pulled mine over my head quickly and resumed making out. I rolled him over to have more access and to go further then just kissing when we were interrupted.

"Oh jeez," came a female voice. I parted from Edward and looked over to see Esme standing in the doorway. "You know, you're taxi has been outside for the past half hour. You're going to miss your flight. Bella put your shirt on and fix up your bra,"

"Aww, Esme, your so sweet for telling me about the taxi. Isn't she sweet Edward?" I said and looked over too see him passed out and drooling. I hadn't realised he had unhooked my bra, the dirty little boy. I fixed myself up and pulled my shirt back on. I giggled and tried to get up but the floor was very unstable and it took me five attempts to get up. That and the fact the room is spinning. It's like being in a disco. I like discos. I am a truly great dancer and singer so I love discos. The old music they play is great. Especially ABBA, oh I love ABBA so much!

"Dancing Queen! Watch you eat all the tangerines! Ohhhhh, see that girl, watch that scene digging a dancing queen," I once had someone tell me that I'm like the bearded one from Abba. I always thought she was the prettiest one.

"Bella, I'm not even going to bother to ask you if you've been drinking or pretend otherwise. Please stop singing," she said. I giggled at her joke of asking me to stop singing. She looked serious though so I mimed zipping my lips and throwing away the keys. I must obviously be making her jealous with my skills. She grabbed my arm and helped me out the door and across the garden. She helped me in the taxi and said that she was coming with me in case I did something drunken and stupid. Why would I do something stupid? Besides, I'm not drunk! Ah well. Esme always helps me out. She never yells at me and sticks up for me against Edward. She prefers me too her own sex god son! She is so stable (unlike this floor) and has always been there for me when Renee wasn't. She's so sweet.

"Esme, I love you. You're like a rock! Only you're not made of dirt. You're much prettier then a rock and you could probably skip better! See what I did there? You see, rocks skip when you throw them across water so I said you could skip better because you can skip with legs! I am a genius!" I declared. It's true, even if none of my teachers ever believe in me. They all think I'm a worthless piece of dribble drubble drabble. There so disrespectful to me! Just because I accidentally set fire to the Math block this one time with a lighter I found and my math book the teachers hate me! They just don't appreciate it when I decide to tribal dance around fire on a whim. Ahh well, I'm better then them! I'm moving on to Forks High now. Ha-ha, Forks. I wonder if there's a town called Spoons. There probably is. It would be so cool to live there, but the people would probably be spoons. Ah well, at least they could just use themselves to eat cereal.

"Bella, you stay here and I'll get your bags from your house," Esme said and got out, letting cold air in. I shivered and curled into a ball on my seat for warmth. The car is spinning and I don't like it. I closed my eyes. Yay! It's stopped! Now, if I just relax maybe I won't want to throw up in the car so much….

Esme's Point of View

Great, now she's passed out in the back of the taxi. The things I do for family friends…

**Ok, that's the first piece I've ever written with alcohol consumption in it. The part at the end that is just Bella rambling was really quick to write because that's how my mind works at all times. She sounds more stoned then drunk but as I have never been quite that drunk I have given it my best shot. I was meant to add a preview into what will happen, like Edward letting something slip but it didn't fit. I have had fun with this chapter though and I want to hear you opinions so review! You will get a chapter dedication and all ideas that are suggested for more silly chapters before the serious stuff will be taken into consideration and probably used in some way or another. Also I will give you mental garlic to keep the perverted Volturi family away from you! Is it just me that finds the idea of Marcusette (Marcus with a dodgy wig and dressed like a 1960's stereotypical mom) incredibly creepy? Anyways, new chapter will be up when it's up, not sure when. It will probably take two days, but your reviews make me work quicker so I can please you! **


	5. Jasper Swore He Saw Aslan In The Kitchen

**Dedications to (you need to check out her story Love Triangle ---) Sophiee.W – I am holding the sea gypsies off. **

**Major udos/thanks/praise/dedications/amazingness/love for LifeisaFairyTale. She Beta'd when even spell check had given up on me. There's probably still the odd mistake, but before it was just ramblings. Also I don't need to sell advertise her stories because they're getting all of the attention they deserve. It's crazy how popular she's becoming.**

**Also special mentions to ****Sammyluvr83**** and ****earth-fairy2006**** for there extremely kind reviews on the last chapter, they really made my day.**

**Imagine the classical piece they always use in cartoons when the characters are waking up and the sun is rising, where it's all floaty and sweet. The link for it on you tube is on my profile if you want to listen to it as you read (just scroll right down on my profile and above my story box is the link)**

**First part is in third person.**

Edward Cullen lay in his bed in a position that showed a restless night. His quilt was all over the place, slung across his torso and looking like it has had better nights. The room smelt of a scent that can only be described as hangover, which he is soon about to realise is exactly what he has. He had fallen asleep after getting wasted, making out with his best friend who then left the state and partaking in a game which involved, drinking, stripping and Rock, Paper, Scissors. He too had seen calmer nights.

However in that moment, him strewn across the bed still wearing his jeans from the night before, he looked like a sweet lamb. He was softly snoring and all through the night he had been saying one word over and over again like it is a cure to a disease, a saviour in the mist.

Bella.

In about a seconds time he is about to be woken up rather rudely and will be forced to face the aftermath. Also he will realise how much a mess he has made of things when he is forced to watch back on last nights events through a camera that had recorded through all of the night. It had witnessed all of his mistakes and drunken slurs. Then in a few days his saviour will come back, and everything will change yet stay the same for a little while at least.  
For now though he has a peaceful look that shows a childish innocence and it has a heart melting quality that is perfect in the moment. The sunlight is beaming through his window and dancing across him. He looks so angelic that one could even suspect that he is shimmering where the sunlight hit his pale, Forks skin. When he wakes up though he will have to face up to a lot of things he did last night, but for now he is lost in a land where sheep need to be counted and all it takes is the opening of your eyes to get away from any bad things that happen too you. This would be the best part of Edwards's day, even if he won't remember it.

No one can stay in bed forever though, so with the meddling of another he will have to get up and pine for the one he loves, even if he doesn't know it.  
"EDWARD GET OFF YOUR FAT BUM AND HELP ME CLEAN UP!"

EPOV

"Noooo," I wailed, hiding my head under the pillow and grabbing each end of to further tighten it too my throbbing head. Jeez, could that pixie yell any louder? Hmm, I don't think I ever want to move from this spot. The world is too bright and noisy.  
"There's aspirin downstairs," Alice said in a much softer voice, standing in my door way. I groaned and got out of bed to be met with the smell of pancakes. The extremely nauseating smell of pancakes may I add.

I staggered down the stairs and blinking at the amount of light in the kitchen. It looks like something out of a cheesy, trophy wife type movie, Esme wearing a polka dot apron and humming whilst whisking some eggs. She turned around and when she saw me gave me a bright and cheerful good morning. I grunted and made for one of the cups of orange juice at the kitchen table. The aspirins were next to it as Esme must have figured out we got drunk last night due to the bottles that are everywhere. I popped two out of the packet and gulped them down with a mouthful of juice.

Emmett is sitting at the table on the opposite side form the juice. He is cheerfully eating what would have been a plate of breakfast but has now been reduced to a big mess of food that is being attacked aggressively by the all to cheerful teddy bear

Jasper -who had passed out on the bathroom floor the night before with a beer in his hand, according to Alice -who is cheerfully telling me all this in an all too loud voice, considering that close to everyone in this room has now got a headache-is sitting next to him with his head in his hands and could passed off as dead. Emmett and Alice never got hangovers, no matter how much they drank the night previous. Esme used to get angry at us for drinking but now she just says that we do it rarely and not drive or do anything stupid whilst under the influence. Even Emmett can follow that rule… most of the time. Carlisle how ever goes all Dr. Cullen on us and gives us all a lecture on the dangers of underage drinking and punishes all the kids that are related to him whilst telling everyone else's parents. That might work if the McCarthy's and Hales weren't always away on business and never tell there kids off. Ever. I would feel sorry Rosalie and Jazz but there parents are Satan and Hitler's spawn anyway and Rosalie once went to Carlisle asking for a DNA test too see if her and Jasper really are related to their parents.

Alice kept on talking but I ignored her as best I could. It felt like every word was going in one ear, attacking my brain and playing the drums in my head and then going out the other. I'm trying to remember what happened last night and failing.

Ok, I know that we all went to dinner and Bella looked well…. Anyway she attempted to kill a waitress and the adults left after a highway pile up. Alice paid, we all left and we started to drink. Then it gets a bit blurry. All I remember is something about killing cats and Emmett kissing a guy. Oh wait, then we played some strip game involving Rock Paper Scissors. I can remember everyone leaving and me and Bella being alone. Then… nothing. That's as much as I know.

"Oh yeah and we're going to watch back on the tape of last night so everyone can remember the drunken confessions and," Alice continued. Nothing can make that girl shut up. Wait, tape? Oh right, that camera she got me too set up. This shall be good. Emmett will so regret playing truthfully. He always does.

"Edward, do you remember anything from last night?" Esme asked looking nervous. This can't be good.

"No, not much. Last thing I remember was the two pairs of lovebirds moping off to-" I looked up remembering this is Esme I'm talking to. "Find Narnia. I told them they wouldn't but Jasper swore he had seen Aslan strutting around the kitchen and -" Great I'm rambling. Alice is staring at me. I gave her a pleading look. This wouldn't be the first time my rambling has gotten us into trouble. On the spot, I suck at lying.

"Turns out it was just a dream that Jasper had had. Then we went upstairs and watched a movie but Bella and Edward didn't want too, saying they had seen it before," Alice covered up smoothly. Not even a Lie Detector could pick up on it. It's one of the reasons she's so diabolical.

"Oh, well I uh… don't think it will be a good idea to watch that tape. Or at least stop it when you've all left. I came home to find Bella and Edward passed out anyway, so nothing happens. Oh and I really do not approve of any of this and you know it. We left you alone and you were not responsible. How can I trust you guys again?" Esme is really good at changing the subject. See, Esme doesn't get angry, she just gives you disappointing looks and it really makes you feel bad. It's the most depressing thing in the world.

"Well for one thing we drank all of the stash last night," Emmett began. Dumbass. Alice slapped him swiftly on the head and took over.

"I'm sorry Mummy. We went over the top last night, we are just so excited about Bella moving here and we wanted too celebrate. I am so sorry and it won't happen again. Also I have tidied up all of the mess so there aren't any traces of last night apart from the two zombies here," Alice said in her I'm Just A Little Girl Who Was Too Happy and I Love You So Much, I am An Adorable Puppy look that automatically gets her out of trouble. Emmett tried to do that look once and he looked like a doll in a horror movie that pulls out the knife when you're not looking.

"Oh, I know you won't do it again. You really are quite responsible for your age. You know Tyler, that boy that goes to your school? Well he was at Mike Newton's party last night and was driving to get some more beer using his fake ID when he crashed and that's what started last nights pile up. That boy needs his licence taking off him," Esme said. She hates things like this, where people die because of another's stupidity. Alice comforted her and assured her we are so much smarter then that. When Esme was back to cooking pancakes Alice kicked us all out for the kitchen and into the cream on cream living room.

"Guys, you have so made idiots out of yourselves, bet you five bucks," Emmett said. He always loses, I don't know hwy he bothers. His ego has lost him money so many times and Jasper literally has a nickel for each time it happens. They shook hands and sat back on the sofa. I am hunched over though, trying to make myself remember more of last night. I am failing though but I have the awful dreading feeling that I have fucked up big time. This will not turn out good.

The screen flickered into life and Alice ran to sit down next to us.

"Shouldn't we wait until Rosie can watch it with us? We can watch it when Bella gets back," Emmett suggested.

"No. If you tell them we watched this I will cut your favourite appendage off. This will be our secret. It's only so next time Rose calls one of my purchases ugly I can have something to throw back at her," Alice said. Now, most people would hear that and take it too mean that Alice hates Rosalie and there always fighting, but they aren't. They have joke fights each one of them tries hard to gather dirt on the other. It sounds worse then it is.

"Fine play the tape," Jasper doesn't even bother arguing with Alice on this kind of stuff, he knows from past experience that he'll just lose.

BPOV

I feel like crap. I am going to kill Alice for getting me drunk. I haven't slept much because of the four hour plane ride and constantly being bothered by air hostesses and having to get up and go through the airport and get a taxi home because Renee had forgotten my arrival time. Now I have to pack up all of my stuff into boxes with stupid bubble wrap and figure out how to get them too Forks. This normally wouldn't bother me as I had moved around a lot as a kid before settling in phoenix, but never have I done it with a hangover from hell.

When I got home I realised that I didn't have my wallet, I left it at the Cullen's. I had too run in, wake up Renee (even though it's ten a.m and she is a grown woman) and get her too pay. Then I went too bed and slept until Renee got revenge by waking me up at twelve to tell me about the circus. I had hid under the pillow before throwing it at her. A she walked out she had muttered about teenagers and I felt like killing myself. Then Phil even dragged me out of bed and the light coming off of his un-naturally shiny bald head blinded me. Then we were out of Aspirin so Renee tried to talk me into Homemade Organic Medicine. It looked and smelt like pee and vinegar. I declined and drove Renee's beaten up old minivan that she had painted flowers on years ago in one of her hippy phases to the pharmacists. Then I slept some more until the old people nagged me to do some packing. Apparently one of Phil's friends is buying the place so everything needs to be moved. Everywhere I walk there are boxes. I wonder if Phil will fit in one. I can just lock him in there and lock it in the basement.

"Bella, stop plotting to kill Phil," Renee stated simply as she tried to figure out where her clothes were in all of the card board boxes. Damn her and her perceptiveness. It's not natural how she knows what I'm thinking. The only other person I know that can practically read minds is Edward, but he sucks at knowing what I'm thinking. Renee however, is extremely gifted at it and can tell when I am thinking ill of her 'Philie Billie Boo'.

The rest of the day moved slowly though I did find a lot of stuff that I forgot I had. My first guitar (I still play but have moved on from the pink flower guitar), a karaoke set, old diaries and lots of socks were all under my bed. So naturally I got distracted and started reading back on my old diaries and laughing at how awful the sound quality is on the plastic fantastic guitar compared to my nice acoustic one. By diner time I had one box packed, and that was the charity shop box. I refused to throw my old stuff out; I mean it can be salvaged. The money earned from selling my old guitar might go towards buying an old lady a new cat and I get to go to sleep at night feeling like I have done some good in the world.

"How long until dinner?" I asked a concerned looking Renee. She was glancing toward the boiling pan with the 'Please don't set off the smoke alarm' look. I got off the kitchen work top that I was sitting on and looked into the pot.

"Ohh…uh, looks yummy. What is it?" Renee looked at me worriedly.

"It was meant to be pasta in that pan and red sauce in the other," she replied unsurely.

"Um, you're meant to boil pasta in water. This is just a burnt mess," It explained the burnt smell that lingered in the room. Renee slapped her head in a 'oh, that's what I forgot' way. I groaned as I walked over to the house phone. After years of living with Renee I know the Chinese take-away number off by heart. Also they know me by my voice and know our regular order.

After a scrumptious not-so-homemade dinner of Chicken Chow Mien and prawn crackers washed down with Pepsi I decided to return one of the billion missed calls I have from Alice. She was calling earlier but I was sleeping and hung over so I turned the outdated Nokia off. I got it from out of the back pocket of my jeans and held the hang up button until it came to life. I waited through the stupid turn on beeping and waited for it to start up. I really need a new phone but I'll only break it. I have dropped this thing a million times and it doesn't show it. Well, apart from the band-aid keeping it together.

53 Missed Calls

15 Voicemail Messages

Whoa, holy crap. Someone must've died for me to be called that much. Oh no, it must be serious. Who calls 53 times? Maybe it's Charlie! Oh shiz, this can't be good.

You have 37 missed calls from Satan

You have 16 missed calls from Eddiekins

Why has Alice called 37 times? That's an insane amount! Something is up with the Cullen's. I went to my voicemail and all but three were from Alice. I'm not going to listen too all of them. As I attempted to listen to the first one from her my phone sprung to life and started vibrating and beeping the Darth Vader March. At first I thought the world was ending then I realised it was Alice calling.

"Hello, why are you and your brother having a meltdown? I think Carlisle may have to get you two on a limited phone plan so you don't have three hundred dollar phone bil-" I started only to be cut off by voices on the other end. I finger-plugged my other ear so I could hear what she was saying to someone in the background.

What the hell!?

EPOV

_"It's going to be easy to start with. I've never failed a test of any sort, including driver's test.' _

Alice would show off her academic skills. I remember this far and I remember shuddering at the shot. What I couldn't remember was why Bella had downed it as well. Then as soon as she mentioned the cat it came back to me and Emmett started laughing all over again, exactly like he had on the tape.

We kept watching and cringed at our own confessions and laughed at Emmett trying to annoy Jasper when no one was looking. When it came to Emmett's I Never of "I have never kissed or done anything remotely sexual with a guy," we all laughed at the fact he had drunken it. Well, everyone else did but I was too busy watching Bella drink. I am genuinely shocked at that one. This is innocent old Bella we're talking about here, the girl who swore that boys have cooties up to she was thirteen. I immediately realised that Bella is beautiful though and some guy in Phoenix would make a move but it still hurt. It sounds stupid but I had always dreamed that her first kiss would be with me. It's not that I like her in that way but that I didn't want her to be with guys in that sense. No one will ever be enough for her and the idea of her even so much as hugging a creep like Jacob Black from La Push (who has tried to make a move on her several times. I want to La Push him off a cliff) makes me want to punch something.

I was taken out of my trance by Alice who whispered an 'Are you Ok?' to me. I nodded and noticed that she hadn't laughed at Emmett's stupidity but had been watching me with concern. I nodded and started laughing with the guys; I mean it's only Bella. I don't see her in that way.

Jasper is such a sook. He always pulls the "I have never loved someone other then Alice," move because then everyone has to drink and he gets bonus points with my sister. I watched as I took my shot. I haven't ever loved someone but for some reason I downed it before realising. Then again I have loved numerous girls, just in a more physical way than emotional. Bella had taken the shot at the same time as me and I felt like running and hiding in my old tree house. Once again, I was being a stupid overprotective idiot. She deserves to have loved someone, to live in a cliché movie. I just hope that jerk loved her back or he's going to have me to answer to. Bella looked at my glass and turned green. I laughed at the amount of colours that her face can show so easily. She turns red from embarrassment, blue with cold and green with sickness. Must have been the past memories of the creep breaking her heart that made her look sick and upset, Alice uses that look when she is reminded of the imaginary relation ship she had when she was ten with Freddy Krueger (he inevitably dumped her so he could pursue a life of child murdering). I am going to hunt this guy down and murder him. Not Freddy Krueger, Bella's ex. At least he deserves to be an ex the way he is obviously making Bella feel.

I couldn't remember what I had said for my I Never. Probably something that meant everyone would have to drink but me and Bella, because she gets hammered easily. I grinned at my stroke of genius for saying _"I have never been in the back of a car with a guy and made him scream my name," _Then I left the room when Bella drunk. Crap, even Emmett and Jasper weren't taunting or laughing at each other but were staring at the television then me. Bella was sitting opposite from the camera so she was facing it and everyone saw her take the shot.

I had to leave the room. I do not do pity. She's my friend for god's sakes. I really don't feel about her in that way. I get overprotective sure, but that's because she is like kitten acting like a tiger at times. She needs protecting. I kept chanting all of this over and over again whilst hiding in the bathroom like a school girl. Who wouldn't act like this when faced with the prospect of there kitten of a best friend, the girl who ran naked in your back garden when she was four and playing in the paddling pool being a well… slut. Well, actually I don't know that. Though she has been in the back of some guy's car. Then again she is so innocent; it was probably heavily under the influence. Great, I'm arguing with my self in my head. Also I am ranting and rambling to myself. I shook my head too attempt to clear it. It failed for the most part but I could now leave the bathroom and resume my spot on the sofa. Everyone was staring at me so I just pretended to be watching the TV.

The tape was up to Rock Paper Scissors Strip. Bella and I were closest to the camera and you still could only barely hear us above the background noise. I tried to remember who won this and it hit me. I have to stop the tape. Bella can't lose anymore dignity for one day. I sprang up and launched for the camera. I pressed fast forward and everyone complained.

"Calm down, we can't hear anything anyway. Also I remember everything now and nothing exciting happens, everyone just runs off and passes out. We really should stop it ther-" I rambled quickly. Emmett drowned me out though.

"What are you trying to hide Eddie Boy?" he asked. I must remember to work on my acting skills.

"Nothing. Why would I be hiding something?" I said and gulped loudly. Smooth.

"I knew it! You're a cross dresser and you confess it on the tape! Aw, it's ok, we won't judge you!" Emmett declared. I was about to reply wittily when Jasper interrupted.

"Wait. What's Bella got in her hand? She just showed it too you," Oh crap. He's got supernatural eyes I swear. I was about to change the subject when I started flying.

"Ha! RAWR! I beat up Eddie, I beat up Eddie," Emmett sang as I blinked through the pain coming from my head. The idiot had charged me and thrown me across the room where I had smacked my head on the mantle piece above the fireplace. I checked for bleeding but my head was dry. I growled at him and was about to retaliate when Bella's voice came out of the TV. Emmett had rewound it back to the end of the Rock Paper Scissors Strip round.

_"Edward, you cheated!" _she wailed. Her tone of voice could've given Alice a run for her money.

_"No, I won fair and square," _I sounded like such a three year old. I made for another launch at the TV as Bella excused herself from the room but was swatted away by Emmett. I cringed as my head was banged yet again against the wall. I watched the tape with dread as Alice looked at me confusedly. I just grimaced at her and looked back to the tape to see Bella make her return. She got into her pairing and before I knew it she opened her hand and quickly dangled something black and lacy. Alice got what they were straight off as it was probably her that bought them for Bella. Alice was just staring open mouthed at the TV. Emmett and Jasper didn't get it though. Emmett rewound it and paused. The quality of the tape was grainy and they really didn't get it. It just looked like she was holding apiece of string.

Jasper looked at Alice and then he got it. The expression on Alice's face was like Bella had shot Winnie the Pooh right in front of us firing squad style. Emmett was still confused though.

"Why is she holding string? What are you all overreacting about! Is it the forbidden string or something?" he said, laughing at his own bad joke. After prompting from Jasper he got it. He wasn't shocked like Alice or acting like his little sister had just gone on Girls Gone Wild.

"Oh, Bella's a naughty girl. Who would've known it? Little Bella is a sex kitten. I bet you like it when she takes her pants off, don't you Eddie?" Emmett said and added a Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink like the guys do in 1920's movies. Jasper laughed shakily but was still shocked at the idea of Bella taking off articles of clothing at a party on tape.

Here is where I enter the Jerk Hall of Fame. A real friend would call Emmett a douche bag and insult him with the first thing the first thing you think of. That's what I should have done. However, I am too much of a guy to do something that nice.

"Em, Bella's grown up in Phoenix. That so obviously was not the first time she's taken her lace panties off for guys. That innocent look is such a cover. Really she's a hot bitch that as the tape proves, want me so bad it hurts," I said. Emmett laughed and Alice slapped me across the face. I had sounded like a jock from an awful stereotypical American Teenage film and I'm the jock that uses girls like napkins. I immediately regretted it but still gave Emmett a high five and called my own sister a bitch for slapping me. Oh well, her fault for hitting me. Christ that hurt. What does she expect? I was hardly going to stand up for Bella. Sure, she used to be the girl that thought showing her shoulders like a guy was adultery, but she's not that girl no more. If she wants to act like a Jessica Stanley then she's going to get treated like one.

"How could you say that Edward? You're such a prick. What the hell did I do to deserve a brother like you?" Alice said cruelly. She was getting angry but a loud noise from the TV distracted her. Emmett must have pressed play because the tape was showing a drunken Jasper being restrained by Rosalie.

_"WOOH! PARTY!" _Emmett started laughing and Jasper turned red. He was shirtless and attempting to pick Alice up. By now we were all hammered and Jasper ran out of the room with Alice on his back and spinning his shirt around in the air like a lasso. He looked like an incredibly camp cowboy. Jasper silently handed Emmett money. He had lost the bet by miles. Emmett had fallen over both on the tape and in current time. He had fallen over in the tape due to alcohol and he was laughing at Jasper in current time. Rosalie picked the drunken Emmett up and had distracted him from his hunt for a Chef's hat using her lips. He pushed her out of the room and follows. Emmett tried to high five Jasper for getting action, but Jasper just gave him the 'Dude, she's my sister,' look. I would have laughed if Alice wasn't staring at me with an intensity that only Stalin's Worst Nightmare could manage.

Now it was just me and Bella sat on the leather sofa and I was attempting to pour a drink and failing. Bella took it from me and drunk out the bottle. I had copied and we were soon giggling like drunken sailors.

_"Ahh, nothing like getting drunk whilst your parents are saving lives." _

_"Amen to that,"_ Jeez, how much had we drunk. Bella was hiccuping in a cute way and I had burped like a trucker.

_"C'mon Eddie, I don want to listen to she-man Gaga! Let's put the Barbie song on! OMG I love the Barbie song!" _Bella was lying. She hates the Barbie song. It reminds her of Alice too much. She tried to pull me off the sofa and when I did get on my feet the tequila got the better of me and I fell over and pulled her down with me. We were laughing and she was lying on top of me. Crap.

Well I knew I didn't sleep with her, but this was not looking good.

_"You know, you're kind of pretty, especially when you take your pants off,"_ I sounded like Mike Newton. Bella must never watch this tape. She will hate me forever. Wait, crap. I don't know if she remembers this. Shit, she could be planning to kill me as we speak for taking _advantage of her. _

_"Don't tell Edward but I love him. Bella's too shy to say anything," _Bella had said with a hiccup. I smiled. A drunken Bella would say anything.

"_It's Ok, he thinks he might secretly love her too,"_ Wait. I do not remember that. Well I don't remember any of this, but I do not get emotional when I'm drunk. I do not declare secret passions for a girl unless I am trying to get inside her pants. Wait, Bella isn't wearing any pants and I just told an undying passion. I can't do anything stupid, I mean Bella left in a taxi. We didn't have time to do anything stupid.

"Ok, I think we can stop watching now," I really didn't want my sister, cousin and best friends to be watching this in case something does happen. Awkward much?

"Yeah, I think we can end this here," Alice said, reaching for the remote.

"No, wait. I wanna see if Eddie gets lucky and the too lovebirds finally realise they belong together and the rose petals start to fall and -" I will kill Emmett

"Yeah, don't stop it. Besides, they don't sleep together. Otherwise she would have missed her plane," I am also adding Jasper to the list of people I need to kill.

I looked back to the screen to see us making out. Or at least I think that's what it is. It looks like I'm eating her. Also, the empty vodka bottle is still next to us and I can faintly remember the taste of Tequila. Great, the memories of my first kiss with Bella are just the taste of tequila. Not that I plan on kissing her again. I hope I still whooped the other guy she was in the back of the car with.

I was now pulling Bella's top off and she was wearing a black lacy bra that matched the pants. I cringed. It really couldn't get anymore awkward. I was about to launch at the camera and throw it out the window when Esme entered the scene.

"_Oh jeez," _Bella and I parted and the view of Bella's chest was uh, well. Uninterrupted. I crossed my legs to hide my sudden issue. "_You know, you're taxi has been outside for the past half hour. You're going to miss your flight. Bella put your shirt on and fix up your bra," _Esme said. She obviously was already trying to block the memory before it became it could scar her.

"_Aww, Esme, you're so sweet for telling me about the taxi. Isn't she sweet Edward?" _I had passed out and when Bella noticed she started giggling and hooked her bra back up and attempted to get up but failed miserably several times. She pulled her shirt on and Esme led a Dancing Queen singing Bella out of the room and the sound of the front door shutting signalled the night was over. Alice pressed stop using the remote and Jasper got up too unplug the camera.

"You need to call Bella. I called her earlier too see if she was aright but her phone was turned off. I don't know if it was regret or a hangover that made her turn it off. Pray it wasn't both," Alice said, pulling out her touch screen Samsung as she talked. She put it to her ear and waited for a minute.

"Dude, nice one, if Esme hadn't of interrupted that would have made a nice feature on my You Tube account," Emmett whispered and high-fived me. I made a random sexist remark that I'm not even sure made sense and Emmett went off saying how he had a lunch date with Rosalie.

"Bella, are you ok? Call me back when you get this," Alice said into her phone and hung up. "It's still turned off. You better hope that she doesn't remember anything. Otherwise you got a whole bunch of awkwardness ahead of you and Bella may turn into a crack whore." I nodded along with her until the end bit.

"What?" I looked at Alice like she was crazy.

"That's what happens in all the movies! It all starts with one party and then they get habits and constantly act like that and-" I stopped listening at that point and interrupted.

"Hang on, I haven't done anything," It's true. So I'd gotten drunk. Bella was the one that was acting like a prostitute.

"Ok, Edward I know you're retarded so I'll spell this out for you. Bella is in love with you and deep down you love her," I hate Alice. She's so wrong.

"That's where you turn into pointless rambling. I don't love Bella! We're just friends, when are you going to get that into your thick head. Also, you still haven't said how this is all my fault!" I was getting peed off now. The pixie is just so annoying.

"I'll ignore your lies and put it down to your stupidity that you can't see what's right in front of you. Now, Bella was acting like that because she feels she has to be a slut to be noticed by you because you are a teenage guy. She was acting out of character due to peer pressure from all the cheap bimbos you fool around with because they get your attention and she doesn't. That teamed with alcohol and a deep down self hatred and low self esteem caused by your ignorance has caused permanent damage to her. Therefore, it is all your fault." I just stared at her.

"What. A. Pile. Of. Crap."

"Edward, you're just an idiot. If you don't love Bella then why did you have to leave the room earlier?"

"Everyone was staring at me. Also I needed to pee," I practically yelled at her. She's not human so killing her wouldn't count as manslaughter, would it?

"You see Bella as a friend but not as a girl. Or, you pretend not to." Alice was so calm, like a therapist.

"Excuse me? I know Bella is a girl. I'm sorry if I don't treat her like the easy sluts at other parties!" How was this fair?

"So, you can't imagine kissing her, or sleeping with her. Funny, because you looked like you were enjoying it on the camera!"

"I was drunk!"

"Also, don't think I didn't notice my brother crossing his legs when my best friend lost her bra! Deep down you think Bella is sexy and perfect. You love her body and her soul and you know it. I will get you to admit it even if it kills you." The calmness in her voice made me want to slap her, even though she's my baby sister. Calm down Cullen. Count to five.

1….

"Although I don't know why I bother, you'll just hurt her."

2….

"You may be soul mates, but you're still a douchebag who says immature, offensive stuff behind her back,"

3…

"You really are worse then Mike. A slime ball that uses girls, not caring about how much they hurt as a result,"

4….

"You know what. Stay away from Bella. She could do miles better, there's a long line of guys waiting for her. I'm sure that Jacob guy could look after her and lover her properly." I lunged. No one compares me to Jacob Black. Jasper moved in front of her and I smacked him in the nose and we started fighting on the floor. I kneed him in the nuts and he had me in a choke grip. I got out though and got up and kicked him in the ribs. Or at least I tried too when Carlisle restrained me.

"What do you think your doing?" He said as he pushed me onto the sofa. I sat down, my whole body shaking from the adrenaline rush. Alice had been screaming at us to stop. I don't even know why I kept fighting. Hell, I don't even know why I lunged at my own sister. My lip was sore and my throat hurt but Jasper was lying on the ground bleeding. He was conscious but if I hadn't been restrained he'd have needed an ambulance. Everyone was staring at me like I was mental and I couldn't take it anymore. I got up and ran out the front room and through the front door, grabbing my jacket and keys on my way out.

I was sitting in a park, in the rain and my lower face and hands covered in blood. My lip had stated to bleed and I had nothing to wipe it with. I had called Bella a few times but her phone was switched off and I wouldn't have known what to say anyway. I turned my phone off and put it in my jacket pocket when I found a wallet in there. I pulled it out. It was carlisles, I must have grabbed his. He must have just come in from work for lunch and his jacket had been top of the pile. I didn't notice in my haste to get out of there. I opened it too find his black American Express card. I headed for my Volvo with only a rough destination in mind.

The nearest bar.

APOV

I have called Bella and Edward hundreds of times. I really hadn't said anything that wasn't true and yet he had flown off the handle. I have never seen him act like that. I was screaming when he attacked Jasper but he just wouldn't stop. He was so angry and he just needed someone to take it out on. My poor baby had lost the fight against a pent up Edward and was bleeding on the floor. If Carlisle hadn't have stepped in I don't know what would've happened. The Edward did a runner and I want to kill him and apologize at the same time. I went too far, I said some stupid things. That is no excuse to try and kill my boyfriend who hadn't said anything. Most of all though I am worried. Edward usually doesn't get angry. He's mostly a carefree guy, never truly angry. It scared me so much to think that Bella could do that to him. She's like his personal brand of heroin and he was on a come down.

I needed desperately to get through to him. None of us knew where he was; only that he has his car and Carlisles jacket and wallet. He has access to thousands of dollars and isn't thinking straight. I called Bella again, she might know where he's gone and also I need to know if she can remember anything and see if she's angry or ashamed or feeling upset.

"Hello, why are you and your brother having a meltdown? I think Carlisle may have to get you two on a limited phone plan so you don't have three hundred dollar phone bil-" The sound of Bella's calm voice was kind of out of place in this situation, like a reminder that not everywhere in the world feels so stressed out.

"She's answered. She doesn't sound angry so I don't think she remembers her almost sleeping with Edward," I whispered to Jasper who is holding and icepack to his nose.

"WHAT!" Bella screeched. Oh no, I think she heard.

"Calm down, the both of you were drunk and nothings changed in your relationship. Apart from the fact Edward may be on the verge of realising he loves you or going further into denial and has subsequently bashed up Jasper even though he didn't do anyth-"I started to ramble. Bella cut me off though.

"What? Whaddya mean? Why has he been fighting Jasper? What the hell are you on about Alice?!" She said frustrated.

"I will explain later. Now, Edward is angry, upset and has access to thousands of dollars and a car. He is unsure about his manliness and thinks he may have feelings. Where would he go?" If someone listened in on my phone calls they'd think I'm crazy.

"Nearest bar or place to pick up chicks." How the hell didn't I think of that? "If he doesn't go straight there though he would go somewhere sentimental or welcoming, like Emmett's place, the lake he always used to feed the ducks at with Esme. Wither that or just a random park he can sit in and feel all Emo in," Once again, how the hell did I not think of that?

"Great thanks, Bella. I'll explain later, I just really need to find Edward first though. He went completely of the wall today and it's not looking good." I grabbed my Porsches keys and went out the front door with a wave to Jasper as Esme took my spot of holding his ice pack.

"Oh no. Why does Edward have to go all Edward-y over nothing? Good luck at finding him. If you haven't found him by midnight look in the gutters for his passed out body. Sounds like he deserves it."

"Ok, thanks, I will. Cya, call ya later!" I said and hung up. I got in my car and turned the keys in the ignition. I reversed it off the drive and revved the engine before skidding in the direction he drove off in.

**Super sorry for long update. This is over twice as long as my other chapters though so y'know, it may have been worth it. Storyline starts about now (rubs hands together and flexs knuckles in preparation). I think I may have overdone the Edward angry bit, but I feel what my characters feel in weird way and I wanted to punch something so I figured he should. Poor Jasper! It kind of got out of hand, but you have to remember Edward is extremely thick when it comes too Bella. He thought leaving in New Moon was good for Bella so he really is quite immature.**

**Reviews are nicer then playing Rock Paper Scissors Strip with the male Cullen/Hale/McCarthy trio ; )**


	6. I'll Be Back

Sorry! As you have probably noticed this story hasn't been updated recently. In fact my whole account has been inactive for months. I've been meaning to do this for a while…

ABANDONMENT NOTICE!

I have given up on this story, the characters just won't listen to me and do what I want them to! Also, I will always be dwarfed by the oh-so-talented LifeIsAFairyTale who gets hits and reviews as often as I breathe in oxygen. You need to check her out, she's uber talented.

Ok, other then my obvious lack of writing skill I'm going through a real rough patch at the minute due to me now officially coming from a broken home and all the crap that comes with it. Oh and I have my school work and (an admittedly small) social life to maintain so I hope you understand that fanfic isn't at the top of my to do list.

Sorry to all my fanfic friends who I have ignored and not been able to review there work or even message them that I am alive.

I may come back to this story in the future though as the storyline I have planned out kicks ass but it wasn't meant to be this stupid! It was meant to be serious but my stupid imagination took over.

Bye for now

-The-Girl-In-The-Converse-


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